Pearls

A couple of weeks ago, one of our chapel speakers told a story that touched my heart. I'm going to do my best to recount it to you; forgive me if I butcher it :) 

A little girl and her father went to Wal-Mart, getting a few of the groceries (and maybe some extra candy) they needed at the house.  When leaving, the little girl saw the machine with a cheap set of pearls for 50 cents, but she was dying to have them on her neck. She begged and pleaded for her daddy to give her the pearls, and, being the strong and unwavering father that he is, he bought them for her.  As expected, she wore out those pearls - to school, to church, even to bed!  

 Finally, after about a week, her father asked her to give him the pearls.  With tears in her eyes, wondering why her father would ask such a thing, she responded with a curt "no."  He continued to ask her this for days with rejection as his answer until she finally, without understanding, gave her father the pearls, saying "Daddy, I love my pearls... but I love you more."  As soon as she let go of the cheap pearls she had been holding onto, her father put a beautiful string of real pearls around her neck and said, "All I wanted was to give you something better than what you thought was best."

The speaker, of course, compared this to us, human beings, holding onto the cheap stuff that this world provides when God asks us to surrender so that we can have all that HE has in store for us. At first, I started thinking... "So...if I surrender my fear of the future to God, He will bless me with assurance." or "If I surrender my desire to be married, He will give me a boyfriend."

That's not it.

God doesn't replace the old cheap stuff with NEW CHEAP STUFF... What am I thinking?!?! 

God replaces everything we surrender with more of Him.

The real pearls represent JESUS.

Proverbs 3:5-6 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and HE will direct your path. 

Chipmunk Cheeks :)

If you don't know from my whiny tweets or texts to you, this is what my cheeks have looked like for the past 5 days:

CUTE..right? NO. I got my wisdom teeth removed on Friday, and it was a lot less fun than I had hoped it would be. I may or may not have been in as much pain as this poor baby is in this picture. It was not a pleasant experience.  I even had to call out of work Monday and Tuesday because it hurt so bad!  I was not expecting that. 

There were some perks to the surgery.  My mom made me yummy meals and got my drinks for me. Allie came over to visit, and we just sat and watched the opening ceremonies. I was able to catch up on some homework.  Yep, that's about it... Other than that, it was quite painful. But do you want to know what bothered me the most? What made me the most irritable? What made me want to cry? 

MY CHEEKS.

How vain! I know that it's normal for cheeks to puff up after surgery during swelling, but for some reason I imagined that the swelling just wasn't going away - that the chubby chipmunk cheeks would stay to haunt me for the rest of my life. Then, I realized how much worth I was putting into my looks. This is, of course, a natural tendency, especially for girls. However, I had been putting my relationship with Christ on hold, and I started to realize that I slowly began to identify and define myself by my outward appearance, and not by the new woman that Jesus calls me to be. CONVICTION. 

1 Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Proverbs 31:30 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Galatians 2:20a

I have been crucified with Christ; and I no longer live but Christ lives IN ME.

I constantly need to remind myself that MYSELF, MY outward beauty, MY style, MY fashion, MY anything does not define me. 

Jesus does. 

41. Allie giving me a new journal!! 

42. Skyping with Linds today

43. Olympic sports are so fun :)

44. Painkillers!!!

45. My wonderful mother.

46. My boss who understands when I actually really need the day(s) off for rest

47. Resting in Jesus' grace...because that is enough.

100%

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS. 

I always have. I mean... who doesn't?  You see the advertisements on ESPN, and you just want to get up from the couch and start training. The motivational clips, even for the silliest things (like...Wendy's?), make you want to do something important - to give your all to something. These athletes train all day, everyday FOR YEARS. They eat right ALL THE TIME. They sacrifice their time, indulgences, and sometimes even friendships in order to pursue a dream they most likely have had since childhood. There is something about this that inspires, that causes us to believe in something bigger.

Is that "something bigger," a race? A competition? A game? A gold medal? Certainly not.

Of course, I am not saying that the athletes who participate in the Olympic Games aren't admirable. I'm not saying that they're pursuits are vain. The Olympic athletes manifest for us the idea of 100%. They illustrate what it means to sacrifice for something more. They give their all in order to achieve the highest honor - the gold medal.

When Jesus called his disciples, Mark records that "immediately he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants and followed him" (Mark 1:20).  James and John did not even question Jesus. They simply followed Him, giving up everything they had: family, security, occupations.  

Recently, my family notified me that we are moving across the country - to Wyoming. It's a crazy and weird transition, and I keep finding myself lost, caught up in figuring out where I'm going to live, where I want to be, who I want to be with, etc.  I feel like everything I've known for the majority of my life is being taken from me. While it's definitely not that drastic, and at times I can be a drama queen, it is somewhat true. But I was thinking: What if Jesus took away my family, my friends, my school, my house, my job, my hope in finding a husband? Would I be willing to give all of that up to be with Him where He wants me? 

I frequently say to Jesus, "I want to give you my all," but I haven't ever really been able to put that prayer into practice because I've never really had to sacrifice anything. Now I have been given the opportunity to do just that - trust in Him 100%. 

The Olympic Games are awesome. But Jesus is more awesome. I want to give Him my all. ALL my desires - I want them to be His. 100%.

Life is Hebel

You may read the title of this blog post and see the random picture of a boy breathing and wonder, "Now what in the world is she going to do with this?" Keep reading :)

In my Old Testament class this semester with Dr. TC Ham, we learned about the significance of the Hebrew word Hebel in Ecclesiastes.  It is translated as "vanity," in most of our Bible translations: 

Ecclesiastes 1:2

Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.

The literal Hebrew meaning, however is a mist, a vapor, a breath.  All throughout Ecclesiastes, the author (possibly someone named Qohelet) refers to life, work, wealth, honor, self-indulgence as this word: HEBEL. When I read this, I picture being in Cedarville, Ohio in the dead of winter, sitting on a bench, legs kicking back and forth. I slowly let go of my troubles with a sigh, a deliberate breath.  It is one of the few pleasures of winter, one of the few joys that I will write down about this cold season.  Yet, in a split second, it's gone, vanished from my eyes. So quickly, the breath that had so easily given me a slice of bliss abandons me. 

And this is life. Temporal. Quick. Vanity. Meaningless. Vapor. Breath. Mist. Hebel.

James 4:14

Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. 

Paul certainly understood this concept. He wrote in 1 Corinthians 1-3 about the wisdom of God and how the wisdom of this age is useless in comparison to knowing Christ: "Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise." (3:18).  He also writes about this in one of my favorite passages in Philippians 3:7-10: 

But WHATEVER gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count EVERYTHING as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that i may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like Him in his death, that by any means possible, I may attain the resurrection from the dead. 

Oh, how I want to know Christ. How much more important is He than any earthly thing I encounter or pursue! Pursuing Him is an eternal chase. 

Yet I still find myself pursuing these temporal things. It is a constant battle. But I KNOW that anything else in comparison to knowing Christ is rubbish, is loss, is futile, is breath, is temporal, is HEBEL. 

And so, I want to enjoy life, enjoy knowing Christ and the blessings that he brings: 

35. Awesome looking clouds all day today 

36. Having silly camp songs stuck in my head at the end of the day

37. Ice Cream Sandwiches 

38. Renewed friendships

39. Forgiveness

40. The song, "What Makes You Beautiful." - it's my jam hehe

Life is short. ENJOY IT. Enjoy Christ. Enjoy love, blessings, trials. Pursue the eternal! :) Smile. 

But...Why?

At the end of April, when I'm anxiously awaiting returning home for the summer, I can only remember the wonderful things about summer, especially May:  family, sun, beach, old friends, new friends, relaxation, etc. What I don't remember is some of the awful things that accompany those wonderful things, the chief being my own thoughts.

I have to be honest.  A lot of times, I just don't understand God.  I just don't. I don't understand sadness, loss, illness.  I don't understand purpose, occupation, college. I want to understand. But I don't.  But you know what? Paul didn't either:

Romans 11:33-36:
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him, that he might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.


Paul, after writing about the election of God in Romans 9-11 (which I still don't know where I stand on...still don't understand...and still get upset about), writes about how God's judgments are "unsearchable" and his ways are "inscrutable."  We can't comprehend Him, what He does, or how He judges. I have to accept that. I have to understand that God is love. God is good. God is faithful. He provides forgiveness. He provides steadfast love. He knows all. I don't.


I don't know all. But I do know that I can trust and hope in my faithful and trustworthy God:

Psalm 138:8 
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands. 


Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts and I am helped; my heart exults and with my song I give thanks to Him.


What a good way to transition to my thankful list:
30. The beach
31. My sister :)
32. Sadness (Ecclesiastes 7:3 - Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.)
33. Summer classes (despite the fact that they will be a lot of work, I am thankful that I can take them :)
34. Dairy Queen Ice Cream

P.S. Please don't try to contact me or argue with my comment about the doctrine of election...That's not what this post was about, and honestly, I find no need to quarrel about it :) Thanks!

By His Wounds

WEEEEEEEEEE

No, my high school experience was not the glamorous life enjoyed by the cast of High School Musical.  I didn't fall in love.  I didn't win the basketball state championship. I didn't participate in the school play. I didn't even have (for the most part) your typical high school drama. So, I guess on a scale of total loser to high school musical, my high school experience ranks closer to the "total loser" side.  You know what, though?  I am okay with that. Actually I'm thrilled by it because I made friends that will last a lifetime in high school. How thankful I am for them and that they gave me a different kind of high school experience! (#23)

Why all this reminiscing on high school? Well, I'm doing my Spanish education clinical hours at my old high school this week, so I'm experiencing it all again from a completely different perspective.  I've been able to catch up with old teachers, coaches and friends (#24) (and even go to a yummy summer cookout after #25).  I'm filling my life this week with everything that should be providing sufficient happiness.

Somehow, though, I'm left saddened. I see hurt. Pain. High school students, not much younger than me, reaching out - crying out - for love...in any way, shape, or form: satisfaction in grades, fulfillment in relationships, and contentment in approval from friends. Sometimes I find myself judging these people (even my classmates that are now in college...) for their actions - judging them for not living better - for not making the most of their potential. 

But the real reason? Without Christ, they don't have hope; there is no hope for something better.  They hurt so deeply that they run to anything to temporarily heal it. My good friend, Andrew Connell said something so simply true last night at Bible study that really hit me: 

"These people are walking around without Jesus."

My heart aches for them. I have been convicted by this verse lately: 

Romans 1:16 - For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. 

Do I live this? Or are they just words? Do I mean it? Do I show it with my actions. I think 9/10 times, I don't. I want to, though. Oh, how I want to.

Here are some extra joy-givers I am coming up with for the past couple of days! 

26. Young Life Bible Study & Lectio Devina (sp?) - a new way of talking about Scripture.

27. Softball games

28. Older, wiser Christians, like C.Rob & Mervine at Charter. They are so inspiring to me! I so look up to them.

29. God is the ultimate healer. (By His wounds we are healed. What a wonderful truth.)

Smile. 

Love.

Forgive.

Living the Camp Life (But Really...)

Camp has never been my thing. I always went, had a good time, made new friends, and most definitely learned a lot, but it has never been on my top list of things to do, and is still not particularly high on my bucket list. But this weekend, I went on a retreat with Rachel to Pinebrook Camp in Pennsylvania.

...it wasn't the nicest of places.

 

This was a desk found in the middle of a creepy children's garden - complete with misfit toys and broken nativity scenes. Bizarre does not even begin to describe it.

However, I did learn some new things about my faith, worship with a different body of believers, spend some quality time with my best friend, and even meet some new awesome people. So, now, what you've all been waiting for, my thankful list:

11. There were 2 special couples on the retreat - Dan and Hilary and Jay and Julie. I think God strategically placed me on this retreat because of them. They (indirectly) taught me more about marriage and love and in turn taught me more about Jesus.

12. Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee on the way home

13. Acquiring new taste buds....or maybe just trying new things?  There have been so many new foods I have come to love this year: oatmeal, oranges,applesauce, iced coffee....

14. Bed bugs weren't in our room.

15. I repeat, bed bugs weren't in our room.

16. Telling silly jokes that really only make you laugh because they're so dumb.

17. Worship outside.

18. Psalm 130. My soul waits for the Lord more than a watchman waits for the morning.

19. Making something funny out of something not-so-pleasurable (our living conditions...) :)

20. Freedom in Christ.

21. Awesome stories.

22. Tonight, we invited over some old neighbors for Mother's Day dinner. Man, I love and miss them.

23. Sad movies that open my eyes to feel or see hurt that someone else faces that I may have not been able to feel or see otherwise (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close *only watch if you want to cry)

It's only been a week since I've been home?! CRAZINESS.

Thanks for reading.
Solo Dios Basta. (look it up if you want to know what it means.)

The Little Things

In one of my all-time favorite movies, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Bailey, the girl who has leukemia says,

"Maybe the truth is, there's a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things."


And that's how I felt today. Like I was stringing, teensy, little things that just brought my life together - gave it purpose.

5. When nurses think that you can't hear them talking about you behind the glass window... yep I heard every word :P

6. I went up to the pharmacy today, handed the lady a sheet of paper, and said, "I need to get this prescription filled.....
...........you guessed it. it wasn't a prescription. Alec and I got a good laugh out of that one...especially since I blamed it on him :)

7. I cleaned the bathroom in 20 minutes today. Record time.

8. I went shopping with Rach. We were actually successful! We also got half priced frapps. It was only worth it cause they were half priced :)

9. Good first activity of the summer with Allie: eating California Tortilla (for the first time...may or may not be better than Chipotle!)

10. I am justified by grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24) No more law. Just grace. Thank you, Jesus. I needed a lot of it today.

Anyway, all of these little things brought me joy today - joy unspeakable :) I get to go on a retreat with Rach this weekend. OH! and my wonderful, creative, English-major best friend Brittney Morris started a blog too! yay. 

---------------------> Check it out: http://findingopenarms.blogspot.com/

Life isn't perfect. But if you remember the little things, you can find the joy that our Creator intended for us :)

Creator > Creature.

At the beginning of this past semester, I started an "I'm thankful for..." list based on Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts.  I started writing down in my journal a list of things that I was thankful for.  I could not believe the joy that came with being thankful.  Slowly but surely, just like everything else in my life, I started slacking as the semester got more difficult.  With less thankfulness came less joy.  I want it back. 

So, I'm starting a blog. I couldn't care less how many people read it, but I hope it inspires you to remember and be thankful for what God has given. The things of the world steal our joy. When we succumb to worldliness, we experience dissatisfaction. When we worship the creature instead of the Creator, we are exchanging truth for a lie (Romans 1:25). 

What am I thankful for today? SO MANY THINGS. 

1. My wonderful friends - At Cedarville and here. Today, I'm especially thankful for Lauren. :) 

She called me today and we just talked about life. I always know that she'll ask me hard questions yet still care about the little things :) She believes in me!! 

2. The ability to run. I was feeling a little down today, but as soon as I went on my run, I cleared my mind. 

3. Raspberries and blackberries :)

My goal is to do this everyday. It could be in the morning OR at night...just whenever I feel grateful about something. I hope this inspires YOU to be consciously grateful! 

4. SUMMER BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Special thanks to TJ Pancake, editor**