Understanding with your Heart

Understanding. 

It is a word that has different meanings. First, in a literal sense, it means knowing the meaning of words, comprehending their significance, and applying them to your situation. This kind of understanding occurs in your brain.

There also, though, is a more figurative sense of the word, as portrayed by the rebellious teenage child when she screams at her mother:

You do NOT understand me!!! No one understands what I am going through!!!

This meaning of understanding has to do more with sympathy. It is caring. It is knowing where someone is and loving them where they are, despite how it affects you. This kind of understanding occurs in your heart.

(Are you happy that I gave you a 1st-grade lesson on the meaning of the word understanding? Don´t worry...it has significance. Keep reading please :)

Both types of understanding have been absolutely essential for my growth during my time in Spain, especially in regards to my host family.

Obviously, I have had to work really hard to understand completely what my host family and other Spaniards are saying to me.  Sometimes, I honestly cannot understand what they are trying to ask me or tell me, so I awkwardly come up with some kind of answer, knowing that many times, it is the answer to a completely different question. I have been so exasperated at times that I just settle for this type of interaction instead of truly trying to comprehend their question. Showing effort in even minute, simple details proves that you care about what they are saying.

It is only when I intently listen that I can see where they are coming from, sympathize with their feelings, and give them a hug to let them know you care.  It is only then that I can understand with my heart.

When I have given my host mom my absolute undivided attention, I have been able to understand her points of view and see things in a new light, even if I do not necessarily agree with her. I have been able to understand her words, though in a different language, and through her words I have been able to see her beautiful heart.

But I first have to understand her words in order to understand her heart. 

...Profound, huh?

But it is so incredibly true. Think about it. How many times have you been at dinner with somebody, but only half listened because you were too occupied with the number of notifications you had on Facebook? How many times have you neglected to hear your little sister request to go for a walk or play barbies because you were too busy reading a book, watching TV, or checking your email? I certainly know I am guilty of it.

People always say things like:

I totally understand. That must be so hard. 
I definitely know what you are going through. 
I cannot imagine being where you are. 

Yes, these kind phrases can be helpful. But did that person take the time to truly listen - to truly understand- what exactly they are thinking, feeling, and going through? Or did they simply listen to the problem half-heartedly, not asking any deeper questions, and skipping straight to the easy-to-say, cliche maxims that anyone on the planet could say to the person undergoing a dilemma.

My experience has been different, of course, because of the language barrier. Although it is more true in a foreign setting, I still believe that intently listening is something I have neglected greatly in my life.  But it is only when I truly listen and ask deeper questions that I can understand what they are saying. Then, I can understand with my heart.

Then, I can love.