But...Why?

At the end of April, when I'm anxiously awaiting returning home for the summer, I can only remember the wonderful things about summer, especially May:  family, sun, beach, old friends, new friends, relaxation, etc. What I don't remember is some of the awful things that accompany those wonderful things, the chief being my own thoughts.

I have to be honest.  A lot of times, I just don't understand God.  I just don't. I don't understand sadness, loss, illness.  I don't understand purpose, occupation, college. I want to understand. But I don't.  But you know what? Paul didn't either:

Romans 11:33-36:
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him, that he might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.


Paul, after writing about the election of God in Romans 9-11 (which I still don't know where I stand on...still don't understand...and still get upset about), writes about how God's judgments are "unsearchable" and his ways are "inscrutable."  We can't comprehend Him, what He does, or how He judges. I have to accept that. I have to understand that God is love. God is good. God is faithful. He provides forgiveness. He provides steadfast love. He knows all. I don't.


I don't know all. But I do know that I can trust and hope in my faithful and trustworthy God:

Psalm 138:8 
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands. 


Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts and I am helped; my heart exults and with my song I give thanks to Him.


What a good way to transition to my thankful list:
30. The beach
31. My sister :)
32. Sadness (Ecclesiastes 7:3 - Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.)
33. Summer classes (despite the fact that they will be a lot of work, I am thankful that I can take them :)
34. Dairy Queen Ice Cream

P.S. Please don't try to contact me or argue with my comment about the doctrine of election...That's not what this post was about, and honestly, I find no need to quarrel about it :) Thanks!

By His Wounds

WEEEEEEEEEE

No, my high school experience was not the glamorous life enjoyed by the cast of High School Musical.  I didn't fall in love.  I didn't win the basketball state championship. I didn't participate in the school play. I didn't even have (for the most part) your typical high school drama. So, I guess on a scale of total loser to high school musical, my high school experience ranks closer to the "total loser" side.  You know what, though?  I am okay with that. Actually I'm thrilled by it because I made friends that will last a lifetime in high school. How thankful I am for them and that they gave me a different kind of high school experience! (#23)

Why all this reminiscing on high school? Well, I'm doing my Spanish education clinical hours at my old high school this week, so I'm experiencing it all again from a completely different perspective.  I've been able to catch up with old teachers, coaches and friends (#24) (and even go to a yummy summer cookout after #25).  I'm filling my life this week with everything that should be providing sufficient happiness.

Somehow, though, I'm left saddened. I see hurt. Pain. High school students, not much younger than me, reaching out - crying out - for love...in any way, shape, or form: satisfaction in grades, fulfillment in relationships, and contentment in approval from friends. Sometimes I find myself judging these people (even my classmates that are now in college...) for their actions - judging them for not living better - for not making the most of their potential. 

But the real reason? Without Christ, they don't have hope; there is no hope for something better.  They hurt so deeply that they run to anything to temporarily heal it. My good friend, Andrew Connell said something so simply true last night at Bible study that really hit me: 

"These people are walking around without Jesus."

My heart aches for them. I have been convicted by this verse lately: 

Romans 1:16 - For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. 

Do I live this? Or are they just words? Do I mean it? Do I show it with my actions. I think 9/10 times, I don't. I want to, though. Oh, how I want to.

Here are some extra joy-givers I am coming up with for the past couple of days! 

26. Young Life Bible Study & Lectio Devina (sp?) - a new way of talking about Scripture.

27. Softball games

28. Older, wiser Christians, like C.Rob & Mervine at Charter. They are so inspiring to me! I so look up to them.

29. God is the ultimate healer. (By His wounds we are healed. What a wonderful truth.)

Smile. 

Love.

Forgive.

Living the Camp Life (But Really...)

Camp has never been my thing. I always went, had a good time, made new friends, and most definitely learned a lot, but it has never been on my top list of things to do, and is still not particularly high on my bucket list. But this weekend, I went on a retreat with Rachel to Pinebrook Camp in Pennsylvania.

...it wasn't the nicest of places.

 

This was a desk found in the middle of a creepy children's garden - complete with misfit toys and broken nativity scenes. Bizarre does not even begin to describe it.

However, I did learn some new things about my faith, worship with a different body of believers, spend some quality time with my best friend, and even meet some new awesome people. So, now, what you've all been waiting for, my thankful list:

11. There were 2 special couples on the retreat - Dan and Hilary and Jay and Julie. I think God strategically placed me on this retreat because of them. They (indirectly) taught me more about marriage and love and in turn taught me more about Jesus.

12. Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee on the way home

13. Acquiring new taste buds....or maybe just trying new things?  There have been so many new foods I have come to love this year: oatmeal, oranges,applesauce, iced coffee....

14. Bed bugs weren't in our room.

15. I repeat, bed bugs weren't in our room.

16. Telling silly jokes that really only make you laugh because they're so dumb.

17. Worship outside.

18. Psalm 130. My soul waits for the Lord more than a watchman waits for the morning.

19. Making something funny out of something not-so-pleasurable (our living conditions...) :)

20. Freedom in Christ.

21. Awesome stories.

22. Tonight, we invited over some old neighbors for Mother's Day dinner. Man, I love and miss them.

23. Sad movies that open my eyes to feel or see hurt that someone else faces that I may have not been able to feel or see otherwise (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close *only watch if you want to cry)

It's only been a week since I've been home?! CRAZINESS.

Thanks for reading.
Solo Dios Basta. (look it up if you want to know what it means.)

The Little Things

In one of my all-time favorite movies, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Bailey, the girl who has leukemia says,

"Maybe the truth is, there's a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things."


And that's how I felt today. Like I was stringing, teensy, little things that just brought my life together - gave it purpose.

5. When nurses think that you can't hear them talking about you behind the glass window... yep I heard every word :P

6. I went up to the pharmacy today, handed the lady a sheet of paper, and said, "I need to get this prescription filled.....
...........you guessed it. it wasn't a prescription. Alec and I got a good laugh out of that one...especially since I blamed it on him :)

7. I cleaned the bathroom in 20 minutes today. Record time.

8. I went shopping with Rach. We were actually successful! We also got half priced frapps. It was only worth it cause they were half priced :)

9. Good first activity of the summer with Allie: eating California Tortilla (for the first time...may or may not be better than Chipotle!)

10. I am justified by grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24) No more law. Just grace. Thank you, Jesus. I needed a lot of it today.

Anyway, all of these little things brought me joy today - joy unspeakable :) I get to go on a retreat with Rach this weekend. OH! and my wonderful, creative, English-major best friend Brittney Morris started a blog too! yay. 

---------------------> Check it out: http://findingopenarms.blogspot.com/

Life isn't perfect. But if you remember the little things, you can find the joy that our Creator intended for us :)

Creator > Creature.

At the beginning of this past semester, I started an "I'm thankful for..." list based on Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts.  I started writing down in my journal a list of things that I was thankful for.  I could not believe the joy that came with being thankful.  Slowly but surely, just like everything else in my life, I started slacking as the semester got more difficult.  With less thankfulness came less joy.  I want it back. 

So, I'm starting a blog. I couldn't care less how many people read it, but I hope it inspires you to remember and be thankful for what God has given. The things of the world steal our joy. When we succumb to worldliness, we experience dissatisfaction. When we worship the creature instead of the Creator, we are exchanging truth for a lie (Romans 1:25). 

What am I thankful for today? SO MANY THINGS. 

1. My wonderful friends - At Cedarville and here. Today, I'm especially thankful for Lauren. :) 

She called me today and we just talked about life. I always know that she'll ask me hard questions yet still care about the little things :) She believes in me!! 

2. The ability to run. I was feeling a little down today, but as soon as I went on my run, I cleared my mind. 

3. Raspberries and blackberries :)

My goal is to do this everyday. It could be in the morning OR at night...just whenever I feel grateful about something. I hope this inspires YOU to be consciously grateful! 

4. SUMMER BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Special thanks to TJ Pancake, editor**