Hello from Spain! I have been here for almost three weeks, and it has been an adventure, to say the least. This picture of my face pretty much describes how I've felt since I've been here.
There have been so many times that I have not understood my family's instructions solely because I cannot understand what they are saying, even though I have been studying Spanish for 7 years. At times, this is beyond frustrating, and I find myself saying "Que?" (meaning "What?") more times than I would like. The language, however, is not the only thing that is causing me to say "WHAT?!?!"
I am studying in a foreign country. I am living with a family I have never met. I am trying to navigate my way around the city (if you don't know me, I am the worst at directions). I am attempting to make sure I maintain my relationships at home while simultaneously make new friendships here. I am learning Spanish in a completely different way than I ever have. I am trying to be content.
And I am learning that I cannot.
I really can't. For the first time in my life, I realize in a very real way that I can't do this alone. I can't show grace and love to the people surrounding me when I truly don't feel like showing grace and love. I cannot handle all of the newness and the change. I cannot juggle all of my relationships and handle everything in the best possible way.
I can't. But God can. I have to rely on Him.
It's only been three weeks, and I am already questioning God. I am already asking "WHAT!?" "Why did you bring me here at this time?!" "What is your plan in all of this?" "QUE!??!?!"
I don't know anything, and I think that's God's point. He wants me to trust Him with every step, with every breath, with every part of me. So He put me in a place where I have to do that. What a God I serve. He's making me more like Him.
I'm currently clinging to these verses:
Galatians 5:4-6
You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Psalm 33: 13-22
From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those who hope in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and shield. In HIM our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You.
